


Purebloods: Heathers AU

by Elli_Kade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Heathers, Everything is a mess, F/M, Lucius and Narcissa are the same age as Severus, M/M, Marauders' Era, Things are weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10081349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elli_Kade/pseuds/Elli_Kade
Summary: Purebloods is my take, in a weird way, of what would happen given the chance that the musical heathers was the template for the last year of the Marauder's Era.





	

A group of students congregate for a fight.

‘September 1, 1978’ Severus started sitting off to the side

‘Dear diary,

I believe I’m a good person. You know, I think there is good in everyone. But, here we are. First day of Seventh year! And, uh, I look around at the kids I’ve known all my life and I ask myself, “What happened?”’

“Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug eyes! poser! Lard ass!” The random group of students fighting.

‘We were so tiny, happy, and shiny. Playing tag and getting chased.’

“Freak! Slut! Loser! Short bus!” The same group of students.

‘Singing and clapping, laughing and napping, baking cookies, eating paste’

“Bull dike! Stuck up! Hunchback!”

‘Then we got bigger, that was the trigger, like the huns invading rome.’

“Woah”said a first year, Severus cast a tripping spell at the Hufflepuff.

‘Welcome to my school, this ain’t no high school, this is hogwarts. Hold your breath and count the days, we’re graduating soon.’

“Mudblood!”

‘Apprentice will be paradise if I’m not dead by june. But I know, I know life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful. Just not today.’

“Freak! Slut! Cripple! Mudblood! Halfblood! Mudblood!”

‘Things will get better, soon as my letter, comes from Slughorn, Dumbledore, or Riddle. Wake from this coma, take my diploma, then I can blow this town. Dream of my ivy-covered walls, and smoky French cafes.’

“Watch it!” yells James

‘Fight the urge to flick my wand and set this dump ablaze!’

James hexes Severus “Ooooops.”

“James Potter. Third year as Chaser. And seventh year of hexing me and BEING A HUGE DICK.” Severus mutters.

“What did you say to me snivellus?” James gets in severus’ face.

“Nothing.” Severus begrudgingly backs down.

‘But I know, I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, I pray, for a better way. We were kind before; we can be kind once more. We can be beautiful.’

Severus turns around to see his best friend standing behind him.

“Hi Lily.”

“Hey.” Lily smiles at him.

‘Lily Evans. My best friend since diapers.’

“We on for movie night?” Lily asks.

“Yeah, you're on Butterbeer detail.” Severus replied.

“I rented ‘The Princess Bride.’” Lily started to bounce on her heals excitedly.

“Again? Don't you have it memorized by now?” Severus questions.

“What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.” Lily stops bouncing looking abashed.

“Pansy Evans! Wide load! Honnnnnk!” Sirius Hexes Lily.

“Sirius Black. Beater. He is the smartest guy on the quidditch team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.” Severus mutters then yells “Hey! Revers that right now!”

“I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?” Sirius asks stupidly

“Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a hogwarts has-been waiting to happen. A future azkaban prisoner.”

“You have grease right there.” Sirius motions to Severus's face

‘Dear diary: why...’  
“Why do they hate me?”  
“Why don't I fight back?”  
“Why do I act like such a creep?” ‘Why…’  
“Why won't he date me?”  
“Why did I hex him?”  
“Why do I cry myself to sleep?” ‘Why…”  
“Somebody hug me!”  
“Somebody fix me!”  
“Somebody save me!”  
“Send me a sign, Merlin!”  
“Give me some hope here!”  
“Something to live for!”

“Ah!... Malfoy, Black, and Black!” Random kids start fawning over Malfoy, Black, and Black.

“Then there's the Purebloods. They float above it all.” Severus monologs.

“I love Malfoy, Black, and Black.” Another group of students.

“Regulus Black. Head Boy. His dad's loaded - he’s on the wizengamot.” Severus is still monologuing

“I hate Malfoy, Black, and Black!” A new group of kids.

“Narcissa Black. Runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants.”

“I want Malfoy, Black, and Black!” Why are there so many groups of kids?

“And Lucius Malfoy. The Almighty.”

“I need Malfoy, Black, and Black…” Seriously why so many?

“He is a total hypogryff. They are solid Teflon - never bothered, never harassed. I would give anything to be like that.” Severus finished monologuing.

“I'd like to be their boyfriend.” A random student said.

“That would be beautiful…” A group of students sigh.

“If I sat at their group, guys would notice me.” A girl sighed dreamily.

“So beautiful…” The same group of students.

“I'd like them to be nicer.” Lily said.

“That would be beautiful…” Once again the students.

“I'd like to kidnap a Publood and photograph them naked in an abandoned classroom and leave them tied up for the spiders!” A creepy student mutters.

Severus enters an abandoned classroom where one of the chairs has been transfigured into a toilet where, Lucius Malfoy and Regulus black are watching Narcissa Black vomit into the toilet.

“Grow up, Cissa. Bulimia is so '76.” Lucius says

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Cissa.” Regulus worries

“Yeah, Reg. Maybe I should.” Narcissa replies

“Ah, Malfoy and Black. (Narcissa vomits.)... and Black. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class.” Trelawny says disdainfully.

Severus scribbles on a piece of paper.

“Narcissa wasn't feeling well. We're helping her.” Lucius says

“Not without a hall pass you're not. A week's detention.” Trelawney says

“Actually, Professor, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.”

“... I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going.” Trelawney leaves

“This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?” Lucius questions while examining the hall pass.

“Severus, Snape. I crave a boon.” Was said elegantly, almost practiced.

“What boon?” Lucius looks apprehensive.

“Let me sit near you at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone. Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes.” Severus spurts rapidly.

“How about prescriptions?” Narcissa quietly asks

“Shut up, Cissa.” Lucius snaps

“Sorry, Lucius.” Narcissa says 

Lucius inspects Severus’ face carefully taking note of every detail.

“For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.” Lucius says reproachfully.

“And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important.” Regulus rambles nonsensically.

“Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds.” Narcissa spouts.

“And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful. Shampoo, maybe a new shirt, and we're on our way. Get this boy some soap; And Reg, I need my wand. Let's make him beautiful.” Lucius’ keen eye catching the disgruntled face severus made.

“Let's make him beautiful.” Regulus smiles.

“Let's make him beautiful.” Narcissa smiles.

“Make him beautiful. Okay?” Lucius looks over severus again.

“Okay!” Severus says excitedly even though he didn’t quite like the idea.

Later in the day, when it’s time for dinner.

“Out of my way geek!” Sirius yells at a student that bumped into him.

“I don't want any trouble -” a random hufflepuff stutters out.

“You're gonna die at 3pm!” James glared.

“Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!” Two ravenclaws yell when passing by.

“What'd I ever do to them?” The hufflepuff mumbles

“Who could survive this? I can't escape this! I think I'm dying!” A group of students yells.

“Who's that with the Purebloods?” Professor Trelawney asks suddenly.

The Purebloods enter again, just before Severus does.

“Whoa. Malfoy, Black, Black.” The great hall erupts in whispers of who could be with the purebloods.

“And... someone!” a random girl yells

“Malfoy, Black, Black.” The whispers get louder and more violent the longer they don’t get a name.

“And a babe!” Some of the guys start yelling.

“Malfoy, Black, Black.” The whispers are the loudest they’ve gotten yet.

“Severous?!” Lily yells, astonished.

“Snape? Snape? Snape?!” The great hall seems to explode with the new knowledge of who is with the purebloods.

The purebloods part, revealing a smoking hot Severus who has been given a giant make-over.

‘And ya know, ya know, ya know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, looking like hell on wheels. Merlin, it's beautiful! I might be beautiful. And when you're beautiful. It's a beautiful frickin' day!’ Severus finishes his entry for the day.

“Malfoy! Black! Black! Snape! Malfoy! Black! Black! Snape!” The students start to chant in amazement. After a while the chanting was cut short by the headmaster.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm lazy and you should read this.
> 
> If you want to see this work finished, stick with me. It can be hard. I'll let you know if I don't think I'm going to finish it. I will probably finish it, it'll just take time and your patience. Also if you want to suggest edits for anything please do.


End file.
